17th March, 2004 - 9:44 p.m.

I'm not religious, for many reasons. I often wish that I was, and I look to people who are for inspiration. I envy that hope and faith more than I can say.

One of the mature aged students in the group, Jann, and I, get on well. I enjoy her company greatly. The thirty years separating us don't make a lot of difference.

Today she was telling me about a near death experience she'd had once when she was on the verge of death due to sickness.

The words she used - 'complete love' and 'an amazing feeling of safety; that everything would be alright' - made me want to cry with relief for the little boy we lost at work.

I need to know that he's okay.

I couldn't save him in this life. I can only hope with blind faith that he is saved now. That he is safe now. It's all I can hope for.

And I'm so utterly grateful to Jann to giving me that hope without knowing.

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